Good things can’t last, I knew this as I wrote the last post, having just come from the pharmacy where I purchased a nice variety of wound dressings; I was actually looking forward to it...
I think I’m going to have a few days as an inpatient somewhere - probably public since my private psych has a no admissions policy for me and my kind. Contact me if you’d like to visit, I’ll have my mobile, maybe not my computer right away though. I anticipate admission this evening, I don’t know how long for.
In other news; small group was interesting last night, we had a get to know you time. Unless I wasn’t paying attention I’m the only one from a non-Christian family, I’m also the major cynic of the group. I touched on the subject of me being completely crazy but didn’t go into details, most of them have access to this blog so it’s not really necessary, the leaders and one group member don’t though. I think I want people to know the severity of it, but I hate actually saying the word suicide, it’s fine to write suicide suicide suicide, but saying it is a different matter. There is a high possibility that I won’t be around for a long time, I told my mum last week to get used to the idea that Dad and I are both going to die soon (he has cancer). I don’t want anyone to be too upset or shocked in the event of my death, but I don’t want people to distance themselves from me while I’m still alive because they fear losing me, if there’s no one to hurt there is nothing to keep me here. I’ve seen how suicide affects those left behind and I don’t want to be responsible for that, maybe if it doesn’t come as such a shock it’s not as bad, I don’t know. It’s 50/50 with me, don’t be surprised by my death or my long life.
Fine, if that's your choice
ReplyDeleteI don't like the sound of these thoughts...we do want to keep you around. You were very brave and honest on Monday night (must be the bold boots) with your background and where you're at; I think you went into just the right amount of detail to let people know the big picture.
ReplyDeleteI also enjoyed the session, I felt a lot closer to everyone than I did previously. I think what you said regarding your "cynicism" was perfectly honest and acceptable; you merely voiced your point of view and a few places where you may disagree. I definitely think that this type of thing is both allowed and necessary in the group, and it was encouraging that others were equally honest about where they're at and what they're seeking.
Looking forward to seeing you Sunday...hope you're able to make it...
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ReplyDeletePlease remember that you don't have to read this blog, it's not hard to hide things in your news feed.
ReplyDeleteThe above comment is too ridiculous to bother arguing with, find someone with an impaled baby and give them your sympathy.
At the moment I'm sitting tight in the same public dump as last time, there is talk of a private move today, but we know from experience that things spoken of don't often happen.
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ReplyDeleteI challenge you, live ONE DAY in the head of someone with a severe mental illness, and see if you still call it whining.
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ReplyDeleteIf you actually read my blog you will see that there is little complaining.
ReplyDeleteK, don't waste your e-breath on these ignoramuses.
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ReplyDeleteI call it being sick. Just because you can't see my illnesses on a blood test or a CT scan does not make them any less real, and I don't care whether you accept that or not. My self-worth no longer hinges on the opinions of ill-informed people.
ReplyDeleteYou have no idea who I am or of my history. You have no idea of my diagnoses or the reasons behind them, and this is not the forum to address those issues.
I will not be brought down to your level of name-calling and attacking. Quite frankly, I feel sorry for you if you have nothing better to do than write comments attacking people you don't know, trying to get a rise out of them. Please leave K alone and find something more constructive to do with your time.
Need to chime in here.....K does NOT have a mental illness, she has a personality/emotional disorder! Big difference!
ReplyDeleteK has a personality disorder and TWO mental illnesses, what's in a name anyway.
ReplyDeleteAWE!
ReplyDeleteTechnically, mental illness/mental disorder is the overarching term of which personality disorders are a subset, but it's irrelevant really.
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ReplyDeleteDBT will not work for you. I have been offering you DBT skills all along and you just ignore or delete them, e.g., comparing your plight to others less fortunate and radical acceptance of your situation and moving forward. You just don't get it, and sadly never will. Your new therapists will soon be washing their hands of you and refer you on to someone else, just like before.
ReplyDeleteThere is much more to DBT than comparisons and radical acceptance. As someone who has done DBT, I can say that there are parts that were useful for me, parts I am ambivalent about, and parts I thought (and still think) are downright useless. To say based on her failure to utilise some skills that she will "never get it" is, in my opinion speaking too soon.
ReplyDeleteI don't know your background (i.e. whether you are a therapist, a therapy receiver, just someone who is interested in DBT, or some other category I haven't thought of), but surely you must be aware that learning to use DBT is a looooooong process. It is not as simple as telling someone a skill and them instantly being able to effectively use it. It can take years. Any therapist worth their salt will know that, and so if they are any good as a clinician they won't be washing their hands of K anytime soon.