Better (again)

So, for the second time I am unexpectedly, significantly, better. I could stop there but I’ll keep going because I’m in a writing mood. It’s been almost a week since I noticed a slight improvement in my mood, followed by a decrease in my suicidality (I don’t know how to spell that one), followed by a massive increase in my mood which has just grown more by the day. I’ve had some stressful news – one of my housemates is leaving in only a couple of weeks and even that hasn’t made me grumpy and thinking the world is out to get me, it’s just a difficulty I have to cope with. TMS is great (if it’s right for you) at getting you out of depressive periods, but not so great at keeping you out of them unless you go on the maintenance programme; I don’t know what my doctors have planned for me, if they think
I can keep myself well or if I need to come in two days a month.

One Helicopter Please

Every time I hear a little bang, or some noise which is out of place I think there’s an earthquake about to start, it’s becoming a legitimate fear. I’ve never been in an earthquake, I don’t really count those two little tremors we had a few years ago because they did zero damage, they really scared the cat though! There’s a door which keeps banging near my room, it’s distressing me...

I’m only really writing this update because I was asked to, I’m very depressed at the moment, so lacking in energy to do anything. I can’t write, can’t focus on conversations, I get no joy out of watching anything, so I sleep to escape it all. It’s currently 7:20, at 8:00 I can have my medication and sleeping pills and all this will go away. I wonder if TMS might start to help soon, today was the first time I’ve experienced a headache related to it, until now it’s just been irritating during the treatment and then nothing afterwards – actually a few nights ago there was a muscle spasm in my neck, but that could be anything.

Quibble is a Nice Word

I’m writing again, properly, it feels good. Today’s grammar quibble is wonder / wander, I’m waiting for my very slow internet connection to tell me which I need, ok it’s wonder! It wasn’t a simple sentence though! I’m adapting one of my longer blog posts to be a short story, fictioning it up a bit and making it a lot more anonymous since it will be read my prof.

I don’t have a lot to tell you from in here, I’m bored as hell so please come visit, I can leave any time of day, and have coffee with you just come, come , come; is that desperate enough?