Oxazepam My Friend

Who needs a whole box of valium when you have Oxazepam, two pills of this gift from science and the world is a better place, a slower place, but better all the same. I saw new psychiatrist today – the mind reader – it wasn’t as scary as last time and only lasted 20 minutes, future appointments will be 60 minutes. The expected public transport fiasco was no fiasco at all. It is certainly better living in the East, no car in the West means total isolation (at least where my parents are). I followed my appointment with three beautiful coffees and a very meaty lunch with R and her beautiful daughter S. I haven’t had the will to cook lately, mainly eating bread and soup, it’s an achievement if I manage to boil some pasta and throw some sauce at it. Since I’m trying to drop weight - not pick it up - takeaway isn’t an option. Lovan is going up on Monday, and another Seroquel reduction is imminent, that means bye bye kilos, but hello more nightmares.

I really miss C, I haven’t seen her for about a month, it’s usually no longer than a fortnight. She now lives about 45 minutes away – possibly more and is very busy with uni, work and being a wife. I shouldn’t miss L, it’s not like we’ve been friends for that long, and I’ve still been seeing her, but I do miss her, I guess it doesn’t help knowing that she is sick, not making progress and in a horrible place. I won’t be living with her again, but the week we had together was great, the sister I never had and without all the family crap in the way. I feel like I’m not good enough to be her friend, all her others are these super creative, amazingly attractive and totally uninhibited people. I’m attractive when I’m not fat, but I dress so plainly; I’m creative, but I haven’t done anything special with it, and I have the ball and chain of Christianity holding me back. I wouldn’t give my faith up just so I could be a little more impulsive, but since I’m not currently in a good place spiritually the whole thing seems like more of a burden than a gift. There are days I wish I’d never heard of God or anyone called Jesus and I could live as I please without fear of eternal consequences; but then I know I’m fortunate, so many people will never hear, or understand/accept, they will spend their lives wondering what the point is, they will spend their death apart from God. I shouldn’t wish that upon myself and be so ungrateful for Jesus’ sacrifice; but this is where I write the truth, and that’s how it is.

Time to call the dentist, one of my teeth is crumbling away, doesn’t hurt because the nerve has been removed, but it’s giving me a headache. Thankyou Seroquel for dental destruction!