First shower since
Wednesday proudly brought to you by bathroom, enjoy the wetness!
Unless I have
another meltdown and start swearing at my Dr and saying I’d like to annihilate
the whole world I’m going home on Thursday! Lithium seems to be doing its job,
I’ve been a lot calmer since starting it only five days ago and have even
experienced a bit of happiness. Yes, I’m still unwell, but two days short of
seven weeks is an adequate admission. Having had no unaccompanied leave this
whole time has been hard, but it was necessary, I can’t afford to do something
stupid while I’m out and have this hospital ban me too. I’m running out of
hospitals.
53 days until I
leave for the UK. I’m still terrified, but now looking forward to it too; it
will be nice to see everyone and I can’t wait to bask in Edinburgh’s glory once
more. I’ve decided against going to France, it’s a bit tricky with our other
commitments, and having been in here so long I’ve been unable to exploit C for
French lessons and I don’t want to be the arrogant tourist who just expects
everyone to speak to them in English because you know they all know it anyway.
Three friends have
visited me while I’ve been in here, one of them a few times – good job A! Some
have had legitimate reasons for not being able to come, others have at least
made the effort to SMS, but many I’m disappointed with. I think if I get into
this supported accommodation place - which is in a totally different area to
anywhere I’ve lived - I’ll sever ties with a lot of people, find a new church
and just start anew. I believe I have a fundamental flaw that pushes people
away, or flashes a “danger danger, back away” sign, so maybe wherever I go
people won’t love me en masse, but I think I can do better than my current
situation.
