This will be short, I’ve just had Temazepam, Lovan, Seroquel, Yaz, and earlier 6 Valium... I lost my new sedative, I really needed it tonight, hence the 6 valium – they didn’t work! As of tonight Yaz has been added to my cocktail because it seems the worst of my self-harm and suicidal ideation happens in the few days before my period – so let’s get rid of it!
L was admitted to hospital in the bat of an eyelid tonight. Within half an hour everything went to being bad to beyond terrible and her being rushed away. This was all happening as I was preparing to go to my first Bible study of the year; I got there late as a result, spoke a little gibberish to a few people and realised there were children around and my wrist was un-covered, so then had to attempt to hide that. I spent the prayer time scratching off a few layers of skin off the back of my wrist, it looks disgusting. Great first session! I’m still at L’s house, it’s horrible without her here – not because here is bad, but because she should be here and she’s not out having fun, she’s out in a shared room in a dark hospital feeling like crap. Tomorrow we were going to have a half-day in Prahran, seeing our psychologist – we have the same one - and between her appointment and mine getting my lip pierced. I don’t want to do it without her so I’ll wait until she gets out, plus she wants to get her nose done at the same time.
Tomorrow is day 1 of uni. I’m scared, I feel like shit and my brain is going to be elsewhere during class. I don’t even know which subject I have – should probably check that.
Sorry for another not amazing post, I have no passion for anything at the moment and trying to make this interesting is just not a priority.
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