Coffee Date?

I am home now, not at my home, at my parents’. I don’t like it here but I accept that it is better for me than essentially being alone. I should sleep better here; I’ve never encountered a bed as hard as the one I’ve been in the last four nights, my legs have been aching all day and night. I’m not sure my time in hospital achieved much, my doctor admitted that I was mainly there for containment because I didn’t have the ability to keep myself safe. I don’t feel as impulsive as the day I arrived, so I guess that’s an improvement and everyone says my demeanour is a lot better too. I still look in the mirror and see the worn out figure of the woman I once was, I haven’t looked alive since all this happened.

I feel foolish, what sort of pathetic person ends up in hospital over a relationship break up? Me, the sort who has nothing else! I now enter what I expect will be the loneliest time of my life. I am far away from my two close friends who I think I have overworked in the last few weeks, my cat is with the ex, the ex doesn’t love me and his love made everything in the world OK (which I know is the problem). I have to accept that I am at rock bottom and try to climb up rather than give up; which now that I am out of hospital I have far greater ability to do.

If you like me and are wondering if I’d like to join you for a coffee - or tea, I like tea - the answer is yes and the best time to call is around... now! (Although K will not be leaving the house again until tomorrow) What a pathetic creature I am.