I'm starting to wonder if being such an open book on this blog is a good idea; it's handy that my friends already know what's going on, so I don't have to tell the same story over and over and we can actually talk about them, but that is also the problem. I need people in my life. I need to be encouraged to get out of bed, leave the house, and to participate in life. I think some of my friends find me a little hard to cope with, and maybe these friendships would be healthier if they didn't know what I'm thinking as much. I don't have a desire for shallow friendships, but other people do, they spread themselves thinly across many relationships and when one becomes too intense they back off. I'd like to think that I don't spend all the time going over my woes during friend dates, it's true that I rarely have anything positive to say, but there's nothing positive to report on. I don't think I'm a happiness black hole, you can be happy around me, I'm not going to feel it with you but I won't take it away; if I think I'm dampening a mood I'll leave, not drag everyone down with me, in some situations this isn't appropriate so I'll try to act the part or camouflage myself into the crowd.
I fear that people are going to know too much about me without actually knowing me. I meet someone, we become facebook friends, they read my blog, maybe that's then the end of their desire to really get to know me, they've already discovered my dirty not-so-secret secret and don't have my personality and fun memories of me to put it into context with, it just stands alone, K – the borderline, anxiety & depression sufferer. K the cutter, K the overdose girl, K the drain on the economy. There is a bit of normality in me, a bit of fun and far too many ideas. I will never be satisfied with lots of shallow friendships, but maybe my friends will never be satisfied with intense K. I'm not going to stop blogging, but give me your opinion; do I make it less personal, more analytical and creative or keep it as is and accept the consequences?
Perhaps be a bit more restrictive on who "advertise" your blog to on Facebook if you're worried about being too open with new friends. I think it's important you have a place you can vent and be free to say whatever you like, afterall this is YOUR space and nobody else's. That's my two cents anyway. B
ReplyDeleteI like it, leave as it is. R
ReplyDeleteI agree with both of the above comments - your honesty and open way of writing is both interesting to read and may be crucial for others suffering, too. If you are worried about exposing too much to very new friends, then like the first person said, maybe restrict who is able read it.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, you may be concerned over nothing. I started reading this blog long before we starting hanging out, and it didn't make me leave. You're a very interesting person, and you have an excellent personality and sense of fun, and you're talented in many areas of creativity. What you're going through right now is not all there is to you.
K
maybe keep most of it to yourself. there are many of us out here, who suffer in silence. I think that it makes you more negative. Instead of this being a helpful tool, what you stated at the start of the blog, it is in fact a stumbling tool for you. I think it makes you focus on the negative instead of trying to focus on the postives. Im all for journalling. I think it is a fantastic idea and a great release from those thoughts and all, maybe not online where all can see. I think there is a certain glorification in the way you write about it. Not saying that you are doing this on purpose, cos you are a creative person and a great writer. I think a lot of what you write many people shouldn't be able to read. I think you need to vito what you post. I know that there is a function that can either allow you to post for everyone or just yourself. And K you need to want to get better. Not a half hearted, but a real and true. And until you decide you want to get better, or at least try, you wont be able to take that first step.
ReplyDeleteI am thinking of you everyday, in every action thought and deed you do.
Maybe you actually have Munchausen Syndrome?
ReplyDeleteHmmm. Fuck off.
ReplyDelete