Day Four

I write this at the end of my fourth day in hospital, I’ve seen more familiar faces and plenty of fresh ones. I hate my therapy group and look forward to there being an available place in art therapy, the talking groups run at a snail’s pace and I feel slightly insulted by them, plus I disagree with a lot of what is said. I understand that a therapist can’t stand up and say that all hope is lost and we should prepare for a mass suicide, but they are overly optimistic and I don’t think there’s much truth to what they say. From a Christian point of view the therapy is crappy too, very self focused; I suppose you can’t expect much else from secular therapy. I think I’ll sit therapy out until I can get into the art one and have a chat with the pastoral carer on Friday to make up for my absences, my doctor may not like this approach though.

I had a nice chat with a patient today I will call him R. R was here last time I was and was re-admitted one day before I was this time around, he seems very friendly and smart, he’s the first person I’ve spoken with at length since admission so it was a breath of fresh air, I hope to speak with him more in future, though this may be hard since I rarely leave my room.

My night time medication was increased by 50% last night, this is Seroquel, the drug which sends me to sleep whether or not I’m lying down (refer to 8/6/10 post Seroquel and 11/6/10 post Seroquel 2). I’ve read about the drug many times, but I don’t know what it actually does for me except send me to sleep. My doctor is keen to change the antidepressant too, this scares me a little because it means I have three weeks of dizziness and wild moods to endure and then it’s entirely possible it won’t be the right drug for me and will have to be changed again. This is all too much for a K to deal with.

Please visit, it’s lonely here, just contact me first for details and to make sure I’m up to seeing people.