I finally got to taste a Phillippa's hot cross bun today after always finding them sold out in previous years, it was worth the wait.
I saw my Doctor again last night and there are several options. He wants me to have some genetic testing to see if I metabolise drugs too fast and that's why they don't work; he's taken me off Valdoxan because it isn't working; introduced Largactil ( I think that's the one) just for when I need it. I'm seeing the TMS professor again on Tuesday, and between him and my psychiatrist they'll decide if I'm having TMS, ECT or different drugs. I know ECT sounds terrible but it can work wonders and they do it under general anaesthetic these days.
I'm at my parents' today, just chilling. I hired eight DVDs to get me through the next week, I assume I'll be in that long, but I might be lucky and have one ECT treatment and then be fine to go, though usually it takes a few treatments. If I get a drug change or TMS instead it'll be a longer admission. I'm not happy about that, L wants me significantly better before I go home, which is understandable, but I feel that the longer I'm away the harder it will be to settle back into a relatively new household and L and S will have bonded more without me being included; I already have trouble with that since I'm a big introvert and they're both really outgoing, they get along fabulously and I'm included but it's different for me. I wish I could just get better and not just over the chemical side of things, but over the damage it's caused my self esteem over the years, I'm not the person I once was, that screwed up job interview proved it. I used to give fantastic interviews and get the jobs.
I feel fine today, like I could just go home and all would be well, but since it's only been a few days since my mini od and nights are quite bad I'm sure that would be a bad idea, it's time to get me sorted out properly.
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