Handover

A second post for the day.
It's now night and I feel like shit. Between 9:30 and 10:30 the nurses here are doing handover, this basically means that unless you've been shot you can't get any attention, it also happens to be my worst time of night. Tonight I feel like my only way out of this mess is to pull myself out and I can't. I see a future in which I'm not allowed to kill myself and so I will feel like this until I die naturally at 80-something. I don't want that, I can't stand the thought. I want to escape this hospital tonight and die with boxes of store bought drugs and a bottle of scotch. Every door is alarmed, every window sealed, I'm going nowhere.