Sleep

Today I slept. I missed lunch because in favour of sleep and I could have slept through tea too but thought better of it. Mum came to visit tonight and we went out of coffee and now I'm going back  to bed. I feel about the same as yesterday, some really bad times and some where I'm OK, but mostly it's just a flat down feeling. I'm really sick of this and I'm sick of people saying I need to pull myself out of it - I can't! God can, but it seems he doesn't want to, at least not yet. The only other major therapy I'm yet to try is ECT, that's scary, but might be worth it. Right now I just want to die - don't call the police, I'm already in hospital!

Things are better(er) with my friends who I upset, there's still some making up to be done though, it's a bit hard when I can't go and see them, but hopefully I'll make it to one of the Easter services at church.