Hole in my Heart

I feel that the quality of my writing is lacking, I’m in the middle of a short story for uni, and I’m struggling to write posts on here which are any more than just a journal entry. My journal entries may be a little different to most peoples, but they are nonetheless an account of what’s been happening to me and me alone. I wrote a little more of my story today despite it being my first day back in hospital, I suppose that’s something to be proud of. My admission went well, they already knew about Friday night’s incident, that didn’t prevent me having to retell it to my admitting nurse, my fill in doctor and my evening nurse. Today I hate everyone who loves me, because I want to die without leaving any pain behind. I think of my family, of R, K, C, L and other friends and feel guilty even though I haven’t done anything yet; my fill in doctor says that’s good, I just feel angry and want them to go away, but then I don’t want them to go because I love them.

Writing this actually made me cry, I can’t remember the last time I did that, I don’t do that!

Come visit me, I’m staying even if they don’t do TMS.