Happy Birthday Lester

I wrote a poem in art therapy yesterday, I won’t share it here because I am a terrible poet; instead I’ll tell you about the experience. The therapist took our class into the garden where we were encouraged to touch, smell and observe the general scenery. After a little look and feel around I sat under a butterfly bush (?) with purple flowers; it resembled the head of a snake and smelled of blueberry. So I wrote about this snake teasing me with his lush blueberries, when I have to eat fake ones (my new drug is blueberry flavoured). I enjoyed the experience and the poem came out quite freely, I might try a little more next time I feel inclined.

My medication is being increased and changed to a morning dose rather than night because we think it is interrupting my sleep. Despite taking sleeping pills I keep waking around 2am and then again at 5:30. I think I will be here longer than the two weeks planned, I’m only half way to the treatment dose of the new medication and once I get there we have to see if it actually does anything and how high it needs to be within the treatment range. I’m also having problems with my antidepressant and I have to come off or reduce my anti-psychotic / sedative, all this in 8 days, I don’t think so!

I had a good visit with my mum tonight and a random patient (M – not the ex) sat with us and talked, it was actually great having M there, she is from Northern Ireland and so had some things to talk to my mum about, and of course we had a lot to talk about since we are in a similar predicament. A patient who was in here last time with me has returned following major surgery. She had a huge risk of not surviving it so it’s great to see that she made it though and is well on the road to recovery.

Generally I’m feeling pretty crappy, I’ve been having more trouble than usual with large groups of people, and so have been staying in my room. I skipped lunch today and took my dinner to my room so I could avoid being in a full dining room. If I had it my way this hospital would be empty except for me, one of the good nurses and my doctor -and my cat, it’s his 3rd birthday tomorrow.