General Update

I’m home. I was discharged last Saturday (9th Oct). The new medication was increased and the higher dose has started to prove its self useful for my anxiety, but not so much for my mood, I also think it’s giving me auditory hallucinations (it’s hard to tell if they’re actually hallucinations and if the drug is responsible), if so I expect when I see my psychiatrist on Tuesday he’ll take me off it. Unfortunately my mood isn’t as chemically broken as my anxiety, so the drugs don’t do a lot for it; I say unfortunately because that means fixing it is a lot harder. I have a referral from my psychiatrist for a new psychologist because the one I’ve been seeing has not filled me with confidence in her abilities. The new one is supposedly very good with borderlines; I guess she’ll have fun with me. I was rejected by the outpatient service for the DBT class because I expressed concern about being patronised. Being rejected for DBT for borderline is akin to being told you can’t have your inflamed appendix removed until it gets a bit better by its self (it won’t will it!)

I have started looking for somewhere to live around the Blackburn area, I don’t expect it to be easy. I attended my first ever open house on Friday, there were so many people there, people who would probably be more attractive tenants than me. The house was beautiful, below budget and in a great area; but the garden was only just big enough for the washing line - I’d like to have entertaining space and the possibility of a dog – it seems the houses with garden space are only in my budget range because the house its self is awful. I might have to be less picky or just find an existing share house to move into (cat = problem), I can’t put up with living with my family for much longer, Mum is being too protective, I feel suffocated.

My church small group sent me flowers and a lovely card this week. I haven’t been for about 10 weeks so it’s nice to know I’ve not been forgotten, I’ll try to make it tomorrow, I’ve been feeling terrible today so I can’t be sure that I’ll be able to, but I’ll try. I’ve organised to see a friend from the hospital before small group, this is a perfect arrangement because it means I can head over there before peak traffic starts, I have more than one reason to do the drive and I get to see B (my friend)

It’s been nearly five months since M (ex) decided he didn’t want me anymore, it still hurts like it happened yesterday, sometimes I forget that it happened at all and then suddenly I realise that he’s not my boyfriend anymore. People say it takes about a year to get over something like this, I’m almost half way and I don’t see or feel much progress.

Sorry this post has been a bit all over the place, I was laptop-less for a while (fan clogged) and as I said I feel terrible today, so my thoughts are a little wild.