I made it to church on Sunday and am glad I went; I realised I possibly look forward to the coming of Christ more than many others, it means being in the glory of God, but also away from all this shit, we sung a few songs re: let your kingdom come etc and I couldn’t help but think, or just let me die. Is it bad to leave church more suicidal than when you got there?! My report for today is that things are bad and getting worse, my mood is low, but has been lower, the distressing thing is the return of the violent images and compulsion to act on them, this is where being in hospital is important, if I self hard in here I get sectioned and sent to the nearest public hospital with a psych ward, in this case that would be a bad bad thing, also depending on what I did and his own attitude I may get Dr dumped again, no thanks!
I got some writing done yesterday, very little, but some all the same. I moved rooms too, I still don’t have a single room, but I have a double to myself, they’re not expecting anyone in until after Christmas, so it’s mine. Daddy, Rico and I went out for lunch yesterday and R came to visit today, I’m feeling less lonely than last time.
I’m tired now, bed time.
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