Wednesday, May 22, 2013

I Have to Bake a Cake Tonight - I Wonder if I Can do it Drunk?


Language warning for my more sensitive readers.

11:02 – Phone call from mum: Wake up your brother, he has a driving lesson soon. Roll over.

11:04 – Call brother from mobile phone lying conveniently next to head to wake brother up. No answer. Shit. The heating isn’t on and it’s nice and warm in bed.

11:12 – After debating pros and cons of leaving him there and hoping that as a 19 year-old he’s responsible enough to get himself up for a 12pm driving lesson choosing to get out of bed to wake brother up.

11:12:20 – Turn heating on so house is warm when I eventually decide to make my second exit from bed.

11:20:40 – Back in bed with sheet over my head because my eyes and ears are cold.

Dream about being a passenger on a bus heading up a high mountain with no trees whilst trying to escape a tornado. I scream at the bus driver to go faster so we’re not eaten up by the swiftly approaching tornado. There’s an explosion to our left outside a farmhouse. Me and my two fellow passengers command the bus driver to go back to offer assistance to whoever was involved. We find an upside-down truck with the driver lying unconscious a few meters away. He has a hole in his chest and something is wrong with his hands. We call 000 and try to help him to the best of our ability, he’s still alive. I find a yellow hand gun in the truck, it seems he shot himself in the chest. I move it further away from the man incase he wakes up and wants to shoot himself again because he didn’t die the first time. The paramedics arrive, look at him and decide that before taking him to the hospital they’ve got time for a coffee from the café which has just emerged from nowhere with lots of customers and a long queue. I show one of the paramedics the gun and we find a rifle in the back of the truck. I don’t know what happened to the tornado.

01:34 – Second emergence from the land of warm and soft.

01:34:40 - Mouthful of water followed by a rather large antidepressant capsule and more water.

01:36 - First ever attempt at using mum’s Nespresso machine – “Why the hell are you flashing that red circle at me, just do your job. Fine I’ll turn you off and start again” Machine off, disassembled and reassembled. Take two. “Stop that fucking flashing and froth my damn milk you piece of shit lazy person’s excuse for a coffee machine.” Milk down the drain and find that the froth-maker-bit-of-magnetic-metal-cone isn’t exactly where it should be. Take 8000. Coffee!

01:I don’t know what – The Age, The Guardian, The Conversation and Facebook catch up. Nothing really exciting. New X-Box revealed overnight, brother stayed up to watch it live.

3:55 – Clean the kitchen so it looks like I’ve done something when mum gets home.

4:10 – Get dressed and groomed, hair up for the first time since cut, it’s still long enough for a pony-tale, thankfully.

4:30 – Start reading “The End of Your Life Book Club” – I like it.

5:20 – Mother comes home and tells me off for leaving her coffee machine on all day. Continue reading.

7:10 – Trip to supermarket to buy the butter I forgot yesterday along with several impulse purchases

7:35 – Eat dinner and drink scotch

8: something – Write a stupid list of day’s lack of activities to bore people in the over-share world we live in with.

Thanks for reading, I’ll write interesting things when they next happen to me. In the meantime I just feel like writing sometimes so I’m writing this shit. Sorry.

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