Awake

Guess who's out of hospital. Me!
My doctor wanted me to stay with my parents for a couple of days, so here I am in the West. It's very inconvenient because I'm interviewing people to fill the remaining spare room in my house. I wish I could turn back time and do whatever I could to keep my two previous housemates, my new one is great, very laid back and easy to get along with but it's proving difficult to fill the remaining room, I've even had a couple of fraudsters from overseas saying they'll take it and asking for addresses to send cheques to, I don't know what they'd do after that but I guess it's some means of getting bank account details. I've got the room paid for until the 15th of August, after that I'm totally screwed.

I'm having my first maintenance ECT on Friday, I'm actually looking forward to it - sick I know, but I love the feeling of the anaesthetic taking effect, I can empathise with Michael Jackson's addiction, though I don't think 10 minutes a week is going to develop into a full addiction...

This is the latest I've been up in months, being out of hospital has produced difficulty sleeping, last night was a fairly late one too, nothing like this though (it's currently 1:46am) I'm currently listening to the cats playing and wondering what else I can write about - uni! that'll do. I missed class last week due to my hospitalisation, I'll make it this week but I'm very behind and it's only week three. We're supposed to hand in a script idea this week, I've got nothing and I need at least a distinction average so I can later switch into research. 2:08am

I've been thinking lately that I'd really like a new boyfriend, someone to share this shit with, someone to create new non-shit memories with and generally share life. I'm sick of being alone. I hope I don't have to wait until I've lost my 30kg of drug weight before someone will look at me twice. I've learnt a lot in the last few years of singleness and looked back on my previous relationship and seen many of the mistakes I made. I think I could make a good girlfriend now. 2:19am

Right now I can't sleep and I feel frustrated and hopeless, I want to take every pill in this house, which is a lot, and includes cancer drugs but I'm being a good girl and abstaining from anything that will send me back to hospital (or the grave)

Sorry for an unexciting post, I just felt like writing. 2:34am