ECT maintenance # 2

Tomorrow will be my second maintenance ECT treatment, I feel like I need it. My mood has been declining a little each day and I think that that little spark will pick me up. On top of low mood I've felt completely empty, this is a typical borderline trait which I think is exacerbated by my unemployment and low study load. I've seen one friend this week for a lunch catch up and been to my parents to drop off my dog, other than that I've done nothing. I've just watched a few videos on youtube about ECT, I was curious to see what happened during the procedure, how visible the seizure is, what the doctors do while you're asleep and how long you're out for etc. I think it's different in Australia to the USA, although one of the videos was a little old and things have probably changed since then, it was still performed under anaesthetic but it looked primitive. ECT seems to be working for me, I need the weekly maintenance because my mood doesn't hold for the whole week, but I felt better for a few days after the last treatment and more so during and after the main treatments. The hope is that my mood will continue to improve to the point where the maintenance can be dropped down to fortnightly treatments, I currently don't have faith in that being enough to hold me, but maybe in the future. The only down side to ECT is the effect it's had on my memory, I've been embarrassed on a number of occasions where I can't remember peoples names, places I've been to often and times of events. Tonight I have bible study, I've already had to ask the address but I now need to ask the time, at least I don't have to pretend I know what's going on when I get there because I haven't been since prior to my hospital admission and they'll be studying something different now.

I made the decision to give up my dog on Tuesday as he's been destroying my house every time I leave him alone, I'm pretty sure it's separation anxiety. At my parents he still gets anxious but there's usually someone home, there's more chance with three of them living there and on the occasions he is left alone he's put outside and he can't destroy the window frames as he tries to get inside like he does at my house because my parents aren't wooden like mine. He can't be left inside or in/out with a dog door because he destroys things in the house. I hope my parents decide to keep him, I wouldn't like him to go to a strangers home where I'll never see him again. It's a shame I've had to give him up, he encouraged me to exercise and provided company when home alone, which is a lot at the moment because my new housemate stays out most nights and I don't have a second housemate yet so I'm alone all day, which is fine, but then at night I get a little scared because it's so quiet. I'm interviewing someone for the spare room this afternoon and another person on Sunday, they both sounded lovely on the phone so I hope one of them takes the room.