Withdrawal

Sorry if I've written this in Giraffe, I'm not all here today

I write to you today from my noisy hospital bed, the hospital is undergoing some minor renovations – why I do not understand since this whole ward is being gutted next year. I am currently in withdrawal from Pristiq - the antidepressant I’ve been on since November last year. My psych made the decision to take me off it because it wasn’t working well enough, a higher dose would have been ideal but I experience unpleasant side effects on that dose. I have also had two consultations with another psychiatrist; mine is feeling a little lost. Since admission I have become worse and none of the drug cocktails he’d tried had done anything to help. On Friday night I got up to a little mischief and as a result I was heavily sedated against my will. When I saw my doctor the following morning he revoked my leave, this means I can’t go for coffee anymore, even if I’m escorted by a parent or friend, also no church. It was the Friday night incident that prompted my psych to seek a second opinion on my condition. The psychiatrist giving the second opinion was very thorough, talking with him took all my energy, but I think he got a few things out of me that I’ve neglected to tell my usual psych. The two of them will meet this afternoon and then I’ll meet with my psych this evening and find out what the next step is. I’d put my vote in for forced euthanasia.

Some positives to bring about a little balance:
F came to visit on Saturday night we had fun making a mask together for a party she was going to. The only tools we had on hand was a little fabric, some swimming goggles and double sided tape - not even a pair of scissors. We ripped the fabric, and cut it when necessary with one of her keys, wrapped it around her goggles (which sat on her forehead, not over her eyes) and then used a different, more transparent fabric as a veil down to about the tip of her nose. The end result was not too bad - she even got compliments at the party! Last night C came to visit me. C never fails to bring a smile to my face and I am totally comfortable around her; even when going through withdrawal and feeling dizzy, bloated and generally off. F and C are great, I love them lots.

No idea about discharge date yet, I suppose I’ll get some sort of inkling tonight. I’m not looking forward to starting the new drug, the first three weeks can be hell.