Home

It's been a while since I last wrote, as a consequence for self harming in hospital the nurses kicked me out of my private room and made me share. I don't share well, I'm an intensely private person and I need to be in control of the noises surrounding me, this is impossible in a shared room especially when the room mate likes to watch TV, my second room mate (I moved twice) really felt the cold and had the heater on full constantly, that wasn't the worst part though, she used a heat pack because she was really really cold, she over heated the pack and it smelled strongly of soggy wheat. She was very nice and would have been good to share with if it wasn't for the smell and heat.

This is day two out of hospital and I've succeeded in freaking out my housemate/friend L by going out without telling her when I wasn't supposed to be driving at all until tomorrow. I'm used to having housemates who don't give a damn about me, not friends who'd actually care if I went missing so it didn't even cross my mind to leave a note or keep my phone with me. I don't like to be shackled to my phone, I'm not its slave, though sometimes it would be better if I was.

A bunch of people from my church met up before the service on Sunday to pray for me, both for my mental health and spiritual health and I think it's worked. I've been praying a lot more and feeling for people; I've also been a lot more emotional but I think that's the ECT's fault. I've cried at things that really aren't sad, smiled at things that previously wouldn't even turn my head and I find myself choked up several times a day at only slightly emotional things, it's refreshing to feel emotion on this level, but I hope it doesn't last, I don't want to be a big ball of emotion.

I was in hospital for 10 weeks and 1 day, I'm very glad to be out, but I feel a little lost...