Eternity

This weekend I went on the ladies retreat with my new church, I suddenly feel like a grown-up; it wasn’t a young adults retreat; I wasn’t leading on a youth camp; it was the ladies. Being there with 70 or so women was nice, the ages ranged from 18 to 80-something, which was good because there aren’t many older people in attendance at the evening service it was an opportunity to meet them. We learnt about eternity from a perspective I’ve not thought of before, and I have come away with two things to (try to) constantly keep in mind... In the light of eternity does it matter? And what’s important is that when I and others die that we know Jesus. These are both very simple statements, but if constantly kept in mind they will drastically alter the way I live and think. There are days where I desperately want to die, but the pain I feel now, both the grief over M and the pain caused by illness is temporary and in light of eternity will not even register as a little blip; but the offence caused to God by ending my life would be massive. One of the big turn offs of suicide for me is that I don’t want my last act on earth to be sinful, God made me  and I have no right to destroy his creation. I don’t believe that suicide results in being sent to hell, but it is a big two fingers up to God that will have eternal consequences; though perhaps it is different in the case of serious mental illness, where you are not really in control; just like we’re not going to be punished from dying of cancer I wouldn’t think we’d be punished from dying from the consequences of severe depression or if in a psychotic state etc. I can understand that many people will disagree with me there, but unless we argue that mental illness isn’t real and its effects are not devastating I can’t imagine how my statement could be wrong... I’ve drifted away from my initial point, I’m not even sure if I had one so maybe this post can just be a little rumination.