35 Revisited

My post from last week entitled 35 makes me feel very uncomfortable. Prior to hitting ‘publish’ on 35 I wondered if I would regret it. I read it over and over but decided to publish it because I thought all it would do is make clear what I’d already suggested in previous posts. I want this blog to be a place where I can be honest about what is happening and maybe in a small way educate people (I know I’m often amazed about what’s going on in other people’s heads)... What I didn’t count on was the post causing offence to someone who loves me (other than my mother). I’ve apologised to that dear one, but somehow I don’t think it will make a difference because I’ve essentially declared that my mother is the only one who gives a fuck about me, and that she’s the only one I’m worried about hurting. The truth is that I don’t know who loves me and what, or who I’m worried about, I’m just trying to exist at the moment and it’s hard. 35 will not be deleted because the damage is done and it was a very honest post that I’d like to leave here. If one day I get better, this blog will serve as a reminder of where I’ve come from. I know that at the moment my head is a big mess and because I’m thinking stupid things I’m going to say and write stupid things. Maybe I should re-name my blog “One Depressed Girl’s Stream of Consciousness, Readers Beware”