I’m now leaving on Wednesday, hopefully no later, it depends on something happening (or not happening) on Tuesday, I’ll report that after the fact.
I bought myself some daffodils yesterday; they’re such a happy flower, I hope they stay alive until I leave.
There was a meeting today with Dr, Mummy and me me me me me, it went better than I expected.
And the big news shouted from the roof tops is... I don’t have BPD, just a few symptoms which are most likely side effects of SSRIs since they coincided with the beginning of my SSRI treatment. For you anti drug people, going off the SSRIs is not an option, the OCD and anxiety they are controlling is too debilitating. I will still be referring to BPD as shorthand for the symptoms I have, but it’s not my tattooed label anymore.
So what is your diagnosis/diagnoses? Anxiety, OCD and BPD traits?
ReplyDelete@anonymous 8.48pm You can't have BPD traits, BPD is a collection of psycological problems, if you don't have at least 5 of the 9 criteria, you're not BPD. I always thought you had at least 6 of the 9. But I'm assuming you're saying that the SSRI's are causing your symptoms such as suicidal thoughts, cutting and your feelings of emptiness, as these aren't symptoms of anxiety or OCD. I'm curious, why would you choose to be left suicidal by the SSRI's over having the anxiety or OCD symptoms? Or managing your symptoms differently? Like with a different class of drugs like SRNI's, a tricyclic, agomelatine, MAOI's, RIMA's, DRI, NRI, NDRI? And I've never heard of SSRI's causing cutting before. I really hope the doctor is sending that info back to the maker of Lovan so they can add it to their warnings. But not having BPD is great. And people respond to drugs and therapy much better when they have anxiety and OCD than when they have BPD. So you may not be stuck with this forever, and perhaps you don't have to kill yourself after all.
ReplyDeleteI didn't give a transcript of the consult, there's much more to it. If you didn't gather by the short post, I'm not in a blogging mood, it was just a update in which I had a moment of relief.
ReplyDeletewell i look forward to your transcript when you're up to it.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't have BPD, why do you resist treatment methods such as exercise and eating well, and not drinking coffee? Why are you manipulative? Why do you doctor shop? Why do you have intense friendships and get upset if people can't maintain your level of intensity? Why are you lazy and unwilling to accept responsibility for your own existence? Why are you constantly negative and only positive for brief moments? Why are you completely self involved? Why do you attention seek? Why are you unable and unwilling to connect with God? Why are you narcissistic? Why do you believe you are cursed and the world is against you? Why do you cut yourself and why are you suicidal? These are all very normal things for someone with BPD, but very unusual SSRI side effects. I think you have manipulated the doctor into believing you don't have BPD, as you feel it doesn't suit you right now, and you'd prefer a different diagnosis. This is a very common thing for people with BPD to do, and that is why a lot of the time doctors don't even tell patients that they have BPD as it is unhelpful for their treatment. It is a shame; you seemed to be doing so well after you got your dog. You actually seemed happy. But we can't have that. No attention when you're just happy and well. This all seems really harsh but I think it's true, and it's hard to accept the truth of what BPD is, anti-social behaviour.
ReplyDeleteI just think she is selfish rather than BPD. That she believes the world revolves around her.
ReplyDeleteSo, are you one person talking to yourself to incite me, or a few people who want me to have the BPD label, maybe because we shared it?
ReplyDeleteI’m not giving this a long response, I could be here all day and I don’t feel like writing. Firstly, though I suspect you’ve seen them already, have a peek at http://www.racgp.org.au/cmi/afclovan.pdf and http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcmed.nsf/pages/gxccital/$File/gxccital.pdf and http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcmed.nsf/pages/pfcprist/$File/pfcprist.pdf the warnings are in bold, you shouldn’t miss them. I had my first serious self harm urges within the first week of starting my first antidepressant (citalopram), I had fewer on Pristiq, but the higher doses made my heart race to 140bpm and the change to Lovan coincided with my breakup. Dr is thinking about changing Lovan in the future but has me settled for now and wants to leave it. I also can’t have SNRI’s again, MAOI’s are a pain in the arse and he’s worried about what will happen to me in the washout phase. I also didn’t say that every aspect of my illness and personality it is a side effect. We all have flaws, some of mine are medical, in some ways I’m just an insecure bitch.
Now please leave me alone.
wow, this is rather unbelievable, I don't know if the 'anonymous' people actually know K in real life or not, coz there is more to her than what she just blogs. You CAN have borderline symptoms without having borderline, thats why you have to have at least five for a diagnosis. Sometimes maybe you'll find that unless you are actually in the appointment with the patient and psych, you can't actually know everything about the situation. This is a blog... a place for someone to write small excerpts of their lives...generally you'll find that not everyone posts their whole lives on their blog.
ReplyDeleteDon't read so much in to what someone is saying...just accept and offer advice on the proviso that you understand this isn't everything about a person.
L.
I love you L
ReplyDeleteperhaps you are just an insecure bitch and maybe you should seek some help for that, instead of trying to label yourself. if you want to be left alone, stop blogging, turn the comments feature off, or stop begging for attention.
ReplyDeleteor maybe dickheads like you 'anonymous' should fuck off and find something better to do with your time that put someone down. Just don't fucking comment! It takes more effort to leave your bullshit advice than to just leave it alone. Just Fuck Off. Seriously. You're a dick.
ReplyDeleteL.
Wow, it's interesting to see other people are commenting with criticism of your outook on life. BPD is just psychobabble for arrested development. The best thing you could do for yourself is get off all the medication, get a job, and keep yourself busy. School is an unwise choice for you. The busier you are the less time you will have to dwell on your unhappiness. Like I said before, depression is a fact of life, accept it. You need to grow up and stop depending on others to make you happy. Also, you should avoid friends like Lucy who has her own problems. I believe you feed off of each other with this crazy behavior.
ReplyDeleteChange your behavior and you will change.
This is all really interesting. Where have all yuor friends gone K? You only have L, and clearly she is a bit obnoxious. All these comments show people around you and people that read your blog really view your behaviour as b.s. When are you going to realise this game isn't working, and people are wise to you? Wake up and start taking responsibility for yourself.
ReplyDeleteI don't know where all you people came from, but if you don't have anything nice to say, you don't have to participate!
ReplyDeleteLet it be said from the outset that I am a friend of K's, and you people who clearly don't know what it's like to live in her shoes should probably stop reading this blog and commenting whilst hiding behind your cloak of "internet anonymity"
ReplyDeleteI would like to clarify - it was me that made the first comment about BPD traits, and to the person who said that this is not possible because you have to meet 5 of the symptoms, I KNOW that, that's why I said TRAITS, not DIAGNOSIS. Just like someone can have traits of OCD (and many other mental illnesses), you can have traits of BPD.
I must however also say that this raises an interesting question regarding causality and the warnings drug companies put on their products. I personally have experienced worsening suicidality that coincided with commencing various SSRIs, but how are we to tell whether it was my circumstances, my biology or the drug that did it, or maybe even some combination of all three?
Regardless of what K's diagnostic "label" is, nobody deserves to be spoken to the way some of you are speaking to her. Some of you may be well meaning, others I think are being malicious just for shits and giggles. Perhaps you are the ones who need to come up with a more productive use of your time? B
If you don't have the 5 BPD traits to classify you as BPD, you wouldn't be a person with say 3 or 4 BPD traits, you'd be a person with a different kind of mood disorder altogether. All of the traits listed in BPD, can also be found spread across other mood disorders in the DSM-IV. You could have schizotypal personality disorder, anti-social personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder etc. And if you only 1-2 traits then a disorder is unlikely to be diagnosed, nor would someone say you had BPD traits or histrionic traits ect. If you don't meet the criteria for something then it would simply be said that you were suicidal, or had a pattern of intense and unstable relationships. As a psychiatrist, that's my understanding of it.
ReplyDeleteI think it's great you don't have BPD, and I totally agree with L. You can't expect to have someone's entire life on a blog, people. She hasn't posted all the details, and she doesn't have to. Why don't you all stop reading if you don't like this blog.
ReplyDeletex S
Thanks S, it's nice that there are a handful of people happy for me.
ReplyDelete