Rico and I just got back from a walk, he’s a happy boy, but I’ve just spent a week of energy, something I have even less of at the moment. I’m not sure if it’s the drugs or the illness it’s self, but doing anything at all is so hard, I’ve cut back on the sleepers to see if it helps at all. Despite being worn out I’m glad to be where I am now, pre admission I was a mess, and now I’m pretty stable, who knew mood stabilisers would have that effect! Who knew they’d work, I can hardly believe it! I’ve had one strong self harm urge and a couple of medium strength suicidal urges since discharge, and considering I’m a bit anxious about the whole MS thing and I thought everyone in the world hated me, that’s not too bad. I need to get whatever is exhausting me sorted, I should be going to uni this afternoon – not going to happen!
I just realised it has been over two months since any cutting, more than that since an OD and a few weeks since a little incident in hospital. I'm actually doing well, so all in all a happy little post today.
I'm so glad you're getting out there and exercising! I find that the hardest part, just finding the energy to do it. As tired as you are, I hope you keep it up! Rico will love you for it. Also, Rico is a rad name :)
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As hard as it is (and believe me, I know!), I hope you made it to uni. I've been working flat out on an assignment for psychology, and having something "normal" in my life has been a great thing, I honestly don't think I'd have gotten through without it. Even though the cause of your symptoms appears to be drug-related rather than BPD, having some normality in your life is gonna be what helps you to reach milestones like the 2 months free of self harm (congrats, that's huge!). That's phrased poorly but it's late and I'm tired too, I hope you catch my general drift.
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