Trolley Queen

I’m a real adult now – yes?

I might have got up at 12:46pm today, but that’s okay because I made up for it by doing a very adult thing. I left the house twice and the second time was to go to the supermarket like the responsible contributing family member that I am; and I used a trolley, for maybe the third time in my 28.4 years I used an actual trolley, not even one of the little quarter trolleys that make you look like you’re too good to bend over to reach the bottom ones. I walked down every single aisle, some multiple times because I couldn’t find two things on my list anywhere and ended up having to substitute. I didn’t kick the little boy who decided it was a great idea to lie on his belly and pull himself along the aisle with his hands. (I know this isn’t because he’s disabled because when he reached the end of one aisle he stood up, walked to the next aisle and resumed his crawl.) I looked a little retarded walking back and forth to the scales from the sweet potato pile several times until I found one weighing exactly 500g – how amazing am I 500g exactly and I even read it on an analogue scale! Then, just to cement my adultness I opened the boot of my car for the first time since maybe December and put the shopping in there rather than throwing it on my back seat.

So just to summarise: House exited twice with no sedatives; child not kicked in the head; used and understood scales and opened my boot! The “You’re a Real Adult Now” ceremony is on Friday at 2pm in Northcote – getting there is the final test because if you can drive there without getting out of your car and punching someone in the traffic you truly deserve the adult medal. If you’d like to come and watch you’re very welcome.