Adoption

I almost adopted a cat from the RSPCA today, as we were just getting down to the finer points of the transaction the volunteer thought it a good time to mention that she (the cat) dislikes other cats and Lester wouldn't be able to live with me, now, or in the future. Lester is currently at my parents’. I don’t have the heart to move him because he loves playing in their garden and he wouldn't be allowed outside here because he could easily get out; he is completely trapped in their garden and allowed out just long enough to have a little fun; he’s also become rather friendly with the kitten I got them for Christmas, they shadow each other and may prove to be inseparable. I’m still waiting to hear from the agent if I can have a dog here, I think that will make all the difference to my physical and mental health. There’s nothing like the companionship of animals, their love is close to unconditional, they encourage you to go for walks (I don’t really enjoy walking dog-less) and when the world is a dark, lonely place you can rest your hand on their side and feel their breath expanding their body. I held a rabbit a few weeks ago, I was feeling quite agitated and the sensation of its breathing calmed me considerably (then it hopped off to someone else’s knee!) Tangential paragraph I know, but I’m not in a good writing mood, more a stream of consciousness mood. Here comes paragraph two, what will it hold.

It has been a tough week, on top of my brain problems I have a pesky cough, which I was told could quite possibly be whooping cough if the antibiotics proved ineffective – it’s day five and I’m either the same or a little worse. Shit! Coughing so hard that it takes all your effort not to vomit is unpleasant, back to the Dr tomorrow, she won’t be happy to see me on a Saturday - that’s when they make more money - and out of the kindness of her heart (or the knowledge that I’d probably attend less frequently if she didn’t) she always bulk bills me (it’s not a bulk billing clinic even for concession); I’m happy to pay, especially on a weekend, but it might be a little awkward walking into her room and saying that she is welcome to charge me the same as everyone else, who am I to tell her what she can do! I think I’ll keep my mouth shut. It became a little overwhelming tonight coping with the discomfort and physical exhaustion of the cough and trying to keep my head together, but I got through without resorting to drastic measures, it was jolly hard. It has been two weeks and three days since a blade last touched my skin, I have no idea how I’ve managed it but I can’t help feeling a little proud. This is the first time since my hospital expulsion and Dr dumping that I’ve made any effort to ignore the urges. I’ve also stopped covering my arm, and it’s embarrassing, I don’t want to keep adding to that mess, it’s very obvious what it is. If anyone ever asks I think I’ll say I had a fight with a dragon and came out victorious with only these few marks to show for it – everyone will believe that won’t they! It really doesn’t matter because no one ever asks, it’s outside our social norms to do so when the answer is so clearly going to be something awkward...

That’s it for tonight, hope it read okay, I’m not in a careful mood. Next post: Did the Dr bulk bill even on a Saturday; is it whooping cough, an annoying infection or the plague; and am I allowed to have a frikkin dog yet?!