I thought it might
be about time I updated this thing.
I’ve been out of
hospital four weeks today and it’s going well. I’m in a weekly therapy group,
today was my third session; it runs from 10 – 3, so it’s kind of a long day for
me. I think it will prove useful, there’s a lot of content to cover, but also
plenty of time to talk about what’s going on in our lives, as it’s a small
group I don’t find it intimidating.
I gained 8kg
during my time in hospital, thanks to being opposite a huge chocolate shop and
only being able to go on walks when I had visitors. In that sort of hospital -
where people can be admitted for months at a time - there really should be a
little gym – just a couple of treadmills and exercise bikes would suffice. They
have movement therapy, Pilates and yoga classes, but I don’t like to sweat in
groups. Since discharge I’ve lost 1-2kg of what I gained, some days it’s 1 and
others 2, so I’m not sure. Since I was already overweight this extra gain is
upsetting. I’m having trouble shifting it because I’m craving sugar almost
constantly and I can’t motivate myself to exercise. I wish I still had a horse;
riding is so good for your core and thighs, and all the lifting you have to do
with hay and general horse maintenance gives you great strength. I always came
first (or sometimes second to an enormous muscular beast of a girl) in discus
and shot put at school.
No word on living
arrangements yet. I had an interview but then they requested some more
information on my anxiety, so my psychologist and I had to put together an
anxiety action plan in my last session. I was hoping to have the trial stay
before the UK trip, but that’s looking unlikely, as we leave in 21 days.
Travel itinerary
is Depart Melbourne 28/11, arrive Manchester after a horrible 26-hour flight,
changing in Dubai. 9/12 train to Edinburgh, where my Mum and brother will stay
for four days and I seven. 20/12 train to London with Mum, brother, Aunt, two
cousins and female cousin’s boyfriend, where we will stay for two nights. My
to-experience thing is the Tate Modern. During my stay in Edinburgh I might
take a solo trip up to the highlands, I haven’t looked into the practicalities
of this yet though. I might need some of the Edinburgh time to rest, that’s
about the half way mark of the trip. I’m likely to be overwhelmed by all the
family members wanting to see us, and all the things Mum wants to do. I don’t
know how I’ll go having to be ‘on’ a lot of the time. There is stigma around
mental illness, especially in the older members of society, my grandmothers
know I’ve been unwell and in hospital etc. but I’m not sure they, or anyone
else, is going to understand my limitations and how ridiculously easy I get
tired. I think the anxiety surrounding this trip is outweighing the looking
forwardness, but I’ll go.
Gaarh, 26-hours in
sardine class is going to be shit. Thankfully our Melbourne departure is 8pm,
so shortly after takeoff I can down my night meds and drift into another world.
